Things You Believe About Love That Are Totally Wrong
Love will make you happy.
Love is often represented as the ultimate happy ending, but that’s not necessarily correct. It isn’t a fix-all cure. If you’re unhappy before you find love, you won’t suddenly be a different, happier person after you’ve found it. The best relationships can definitely enhance our lives, but they can’t make us happy all on their own.
It’s easy all of the time.
When a relationship is hard all of the time, you know that it’s not right for you. But that doesn’t mean healthy love is always easy. When two people come together and connect, difficulties will always arise. No matter how amazing your love is, it will get hard sometimes.
Love at first sight is a thing.
Sorry, but love at first sight is not a thing. After all, love involves trusting someone and committing to them—how can you get that from looking at someone? The good news is lust at first sight is definitely a thing, and that pretty much feels the same anyway.
Your soulmate will be perfect.
Maybe the one is out there for you. While some of us have a few soulmates or feel like we have none at all, others find that one person they believe was meant for them. But even if you find that person, they will have flaws. Forget about finding the perfect soulmate, because they don’t exist any more than love at first sight.
You’ll be happiest with your opposite.
They say that opposites attract. And although that’s true in some situations, don’t believe that you’ll automatically have the best relationship with someone who’s the complete opposite to you. In fact, if someone has different values and fundamental beliefs from you, it’s actually very difficult to have a long-lasting relationship with them.
You can change anyone if you love them enough.
Fairytales would have us believe that anyone can change for love. The truth is, though, that this kind of thinking will leave you trapped in hopeless relationships, waiting for someone not worthy of your time to change. Some people can change. But if you’re seeing no signs of it, don’t wait around for it just because of love.
You’ll never argue in a healthy relationship.
Healthy relationships might be more blissful than toxic ones. But there will still be arguments. All couples fight eventually and it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other. Disagreeing is normal and healthy, and one of the hurdles you’ll have to overcome.
Love has to lead to marriage.
Tradition says that love has to lead to marriage, and that marriage is the ultimate declaration of love. But marriage isn’t for everyone. And while we think of marriage today as an act of love, the original institution was really an economic alliance about the transferal and security of property. Yikes.
Love has to be dramatic.
Sadly, our lives are not an angsty drama airing on the CW. Although the relationships in the shows we grew up watching, like Sex and the City, Friends, and Gossip Girl, are full of drama, real love doesn’t have to be so dramatic. If it were that intense in real life, it would be pretty darn draining.
You’ll only ever love one person.
Some people do end up only loving and being with one person. But that’s definitely not the way love has to be. It’s okay to fall deeply in love with several people throughout your life. It doesn’t mean that the love you feel is not as authentic or meaningful as the love two people share when they’ve never loved anyone else.
If you’re in love, you can’t be lonely.
Ha! In theory, being in a loving relationship should help to ease loneliness. But people who are in love can and do feel lonely for a variety of reasons. Love doesn’t stop two people from working in different countries. And it doesn’t stop couples from spending Saturday night alone during a fight. Unfortunately, love is not an end to loneliness.
Love is only for the young.
Again, some people think of love as being an experience for the young only. In popular culture, most of the stories we consume about love feature young characters. But in reality, love is for people of all ages. You’re never too old to fall in love.
Love is all that matters.
In other words, love is enough. This falsehood is another belief that will keep you trapped in the wrong relationship. Loving someone isn’t a good enough reason to stay with them if you have every other reason to leave. Trust, commitment, loyalty, vulnerability, safety, and happiness all play a part. They all matter too.
Falling in love completes you.
Nah. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling that can definitely enhance your life. But if there’s a void inside you, it won’t magically disappear when you start loving someone. Just as it won’t fix an unhappy person’s problems and make them happy, love won’t complete someone who is lost and trying to find their purpose in life. Love is a powerful part of life, but it’s still just a part.
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