Tips To Increase Sex Pleasure For Longtime Couples

For many long-term couples, the pressure to maintain a consistent sex life is a great source of stress, says the author, and, ironically, is often the reason they’re not having it consistently.

Here are some techniques couples can use to get their accelerator going, according to Nagoski.

🍅Schedule time for sex

Couples who stay in long-term, happy relationships usually prioritize sex and even put it on their calendars.

Some people hear that and think, ‘Well that’s not really romantic, how much can your partner want you if they have to schedule it?, But is there anything we do in our lives that’s important to us that we don’t schedule?

Scheduling sex gives you time to eliminate any stressors that are hitting your brake, whether it’s work-related stress or making sure the house is clean.

There is preparation time where you can do whatever it takes for you to reduce your stress levels or get your accelerator warmed up.

🍎Avoid the ‘chasing dynamic’

You want sex. Your partner doesn’t. Or so it seems. Often, when one partner wants sex, it isn’t about a desire for pleasure — it’s about a need for intimacy,

They want the connection, they want the acceptance, they want to feel wanted by their partner, and it can feel scary when your partner continues to say ‘no.’ What are they saying no to? Are they just saying no to the sex or are they saying no to all of me?

If your partner doesn’t seem interested, don’t assume it’s because they aren’t attracted to you. Chances are, they’re just overwhelmed.

It absolutely is not the case that a partner is saying no because they’re not attracted,. Usually, it begins in a place of ‘I’m just stressed out and exhausted and I’m not interested right now,’ and then it turns into what I call ‘the chasing dynamic.’

If your relationship lacks sex, the worst thing you can do is chase your partner. Chasing them will increase their stress and slam on their brake, she says.

🍎Stop focusing on sex

If you want to accelerate your sex life, you need to stop making sex the goal. Instead focus on building intimacy.

Agree that you and your partner will go for a certain period of time without having sex. Once the pressure is off, you’ll have space to be more intimate in other ways.

While you’re on your sex break, make time each day for cuddling and kissing . Hugging and kissing may seem trivial, she says, but they are a great way to build intimacy. What’s more, they will reduce stress levels and get you both in the mood to have sex.

“It reinforces the bond and the idea that you are safe and affectionate with this person. It also creates physical affection in the relationship that is not initiation.